New Blood to Australia

(Written by Lord Edam Cheesecake, fifth Earl of Huggin-Bottoms and Knight of the Discarded Garter and his demure, loving wife, Lady Sybil Hornpipe. (Tis she who plays the tune.) Because of Britain's tax laws they lost their castle, Haughty Towers and the lord was discovered with young nude animals on his computer . Because of the shame, they are contemplating moving to a country where anything goes, AUSTRALIA. Lord Edam during his trial maintained they were only monkeys with their hair shaved off and with make-up, in children's clothes doing the usual monkey tricks.tp://www.vidilife.com/videos_fawlty-towers "MALTY POWERS" is a fine name for an hotel, or

perhaps "BEDSIDE MANOR," rather better than "Bondi Breakie Inn" or "Coogee Crumpet Motel." We are musing over names since we are aware there are opportunities to start an hotel in Colonial Australia. Our aim is to bring English culture and manners to those unfortunate descendants of convicts, who did not manage to return to the civilized world. At the same time we may instruct our guests in the proper pronunciation of English. Manuel will excel in that field. What do you say about that, old chap? Your Spanish accent might make the Orstralian one more savory, more international, what?" "I know nothin' Mr Fawlty."

"Oh don't badger him Basil! says Sybil "Our main aim is to reap a fortune from these low- class Orstralians, who are none too bright, (if the ones who hang around Nottinghill Gate, London are typical).

Polly, go put the kettle on and we'll have a nice cup of tea."

*************************************************************************** We Are On our Way. Git a Jug of Corn Likker ready. Yes, we're a-goin' to Australia. We figger the U.S.A. ain't no place fur us no more, nohow. Them folks down-under is our kind of kin and old Jed here has a hankerin' to ride on a kangaroo. * *************************************************************************************

************************************************* My grandfather Henry Inglis Williams believed that our family was connected to the family of Anthony Hordern which is rather prominent in the commercial field. I have delved and still have no absolute proof. My grandfather used to shop at Anthony Hordern's "because it was family." How? Does anyone know? I can give family stories about the matter, but some proof is needed.(I have come across some info. Apparently Elizabeth Bull married into the Hordern family. She may have been a distant cousin of my grandfather...not close though.) *********************************************************************************** Another matter:Why did another great uncle change his name? And did he really go to fight in the South African war? On the other hand did great uncle George go? ************************************************************************************ Then there is the matter of what happened to William Nash? Did he take up or apply for land in the Hawksbury area after he supposedly left the colony. And what became of his children? Does anyone know? ************************************************************************************ use comment to reply or e-mail cwok66@hotmail.com ************************************************************************************************************************************* *The hillbilly woman went inside when I got out a camera and took her lemonade with her. Well here I was in America and I had an old car and a bit of time to spare so I roamed around and finally found myself in the Ozarks. Of course I had my painting gear and stopped occasionally and painted a scene, maybe an old farmhouse with a sagging porch, a young girl on a swing or a broken-down barn and a jalopy with chickens roosting in it. That was the stuff that sold in the markets and swap-meets where I would attend and show my paintings. I sold a number at medium prices and the city folk liked this kind of homesy art. One time I was driving slowly up a hill and I saw an old lady in a rocking chair just settin' there on the porch, a pitcher of lemonade alongside her. She was just the subject that would sell in a painting. "Hi there, ma'am," I called out" could I buy a glass of that there lemonade I see ya got?" She beckoned me in and poured me me a glass. "There aint no charge for a thirsty man." she said. "Now I got a question for ya. It's something I want you to do." I added politely. "I sure hope you aint gonna want to hump me. I aint had no practice at it for the last forty years and I near plumb forgot about doing it." She laughed heartily, her belly shaking the lemonade pitcher. It was pretty tasty lemonade and I told her so. "Well I have the secret of making lemonade. Ya gotta add a mug of moonshine for every six lemons you squeeze.... Now what is it ya want me to do for you, then?" "Well, truth is I, want to paint ya, and I'll give you twenty dollars to do it." "Twenty dollars, eh?" She mused "No I don't think so." "Come on ma'am " said I eagerly, "I'll give you fifty dollars then, just to paint your face and body with a bit of the rocking chair and maybe the lemonade pitcher as well...." The lady seemed unsure "Well alright then. I could sure use the fifty dollars. But how am I gonna get the paint off afterwards? Ric *****************************************************************************************************************************************